Brewery: Orkney (Sinclair Breweries)
Location: Stromness, Orkney, Scotland
ABV: 8.5%
Version: Bottled

I was extremely pleased to hear at the end of last year that the Portman Group had dropped their complaint against Skull Splitter ale (a situation brought to our attention by Joe last year) and decided to celebrate by cracking open the bottle that has been lurking in the beer cupboard since I picked it up on a trip to York in the spring.

Skull Splitter poured a rather pleasant red-brown, albeit with very little in the way of a head. The taste and mouth-feel alike were thick and heavy: a big hit of alcohol followed by a rich, sweet, dense flavour that was somewhat over-powering; almost to the point of making it difficult to pick out particular elements. Fruit cake, or mince pie, perhaps? Something fruity, alcoholic and spicy, anyhow.

Joe will probably shout at me for saying this, but it really wasn’t one of my favourite beers of 2008. Just too much density and in-yer-face alcohol, perhaps? Or maybe the 330ml bottle-size meant I just didn’t have long enough to appreciate it’s finer points? In any case, it’s not one I’ll be rushing back to. I’d rather go for something just a little lighter but a bit more complex: Meantime London Porter springs to mind.

But yes, I’m very glad indeed Skull Splitter didn’t fall foul of a Portman Group ban. Variety is the spice of life and any attempt to reduce consumer choice through the sort of spurious, hypocritical non-logic applied by the likes of the Portman Group has to be vigorously opposed at every opportunity.

As reported on the BrewDog website yesterday, the The Portman Group have announced a dramatic reversal of their earlier findings with regard to the wording of BrewDog’s Punk IPA, Rip Tide Stout and Hop Rocker labels (which saves you from having to plough through another essay-length rant from me, at least…)

The BrewDog press release sums up the lads’ reaction to the decision:

“It is a victory for common sense, the intelligence of the consumer, small independent producers and freedom of speech; it is a victory that BrewDog had to fight tooth and nail for. We refused to roll-over and be bullied into changing our packaging by what is basically a cartel funded by our larger competitors. We were determined and stood our ground to keep our dream and our business alive.”

Let’s hope that a similar announcement will be forthcoming regarding the Sinclair’s Orkney Brewery’s Skull Splitter vs Portman Group case before too long, eh? Nothing on the Orkney Brewery news page just yet (or on Google News), but they might be slow in posting.

Back to BrewDog’s outspoken spokesman James Watt for a further comment on the situation:

“A few weeks ago I (James Watt) publicly called for the Portman Group to be permanently disbanded and banished into Room 101. I feel that their misguided, catastrophic campaign against us only serves to strengthen that call.”

I think James is right… and I think it will be the drinks industry giants – the corporate members of the Portman Group – that will pull the plug.

It seems to me that this whole farcical situation has been an absolutely classic example of a twentieth century bureaucracy completely failing to grasp the realities of the modern era. In the past, I’m sure the Portman Group was able to confidently throw its weight around against targets both legitimate and scapegoat without much fear of comeback or reprisal. But now they’re having to come to terms with opinion power on a hitherto unprecedented scale, conveyed via social media.

In the past the best a small brewery could probably hope for was a standard protest against the Portman Group’s decision, knowing that this wouldn’t really help them because that protest would be controlled and contained within the strictures laid down by the Portman Group’s own procedures. But now, that same small brewery is able to take that protest to an external and sympathetic audience; to amplify its voice by gathering support from across the globe, from fans and customers, from experts, from lobby groups such as CAMRA.

What’s more, that process of opinion gathering and protest amplification can serve to turn the spotlight back onto the Portman Group’s own corporate members and the inherent hypocrisy of their own business practices. Suddenly the industry cartel’s own pressure group becomes a lens through which attention is focused back on the cartel’s own activities. So for that reason alone, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the Portman Group wasn’t quietly disbanded at some point in the next twelve months and its demise conveniently blamed on the credit crunch.

The Orcadian ale Skull Splitter is facing a possible threat from the Uber Nannies who enjoy telling adults what they can enjoy doing. Alcohol watchdog the Portman Group created an unfavourable report saying that the high strenght of the beer (it is an 8.5% ale) could have an ‘impact’ on the drinker. Well yes, and so can strong coffee. They went on to say that the name Skull Splitter also implied violence, despite the fact the acclaimed Orkney brewery pointed out to them that the beer is named after a seventh century Viking earl of Orkney and not an encouragement to actually commit physical violence. And, as they point out, its not sold in supermarkets so its not like underage kids can stand around on street corners sipping bottles of it under their hoods and neither is the real ale drinker the normal profile of the binge drinker who gets tanked up on super-strength rotgut then go and start a fight.

Despite this the report appears to be rather negative and threatening to the twenty year old brew. Quite how threatening an acclaimed small local brewery of quality ales is meant to help alleviate Britain’s binge drinking culture when 15 year olds can snag sweet tasting alcopops (which they’d rather drink, real ale, especially the heavy stuff, is an accquired taste for the mature palate) is beyond me… What next for the shagwits at the Portman Group? Will Bishop’s Finger get the finger because it might encourage disrespectful gestures to members of the clergy (except in the church of Scotland where we don’t have bishops)? No more Ramsbottom in case it encourages drunken bestiality? Old Peculiar banned because it might offend elderly eccentrics? Meantime on an almost daily basis I can pass chavs, neds and down and outs sitting not five minutes from the world famous Royal Mile in Edinburgh downing Buckfast and super-strength Carlsberg, but these eejits are fixated on Skull Splitter?!?!? (source: the BBC)